Level Up
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Our kids like to “level up.” When they play video games, they want to progress character levels as fast as possible. When we’ve gone rock climbing, they want to move up grades as quickly at possible. They want to progress through their school classes, and move up curriculum grades, too. (They are very excited to be in “third grade math.”)
Like just about everything, we see the potential for both good and bad in this inclination to progress.
On the plus side, we think it is important to view your life as a series of progressions - in you skills, in your awareness, in your connection to others, in your sense of self. Pretty much all of it. So, we like that there isn’t a “destination” necessarily in mind for the boys, but rather a series of micro-goals that move them forward in some way that they care about.
But taken to an extreme, the desire to “take the next step” can narrow our kids’ focus and cause them to lose the bigger picture. Does it really matter what grade you climb or what grade your math work is correlated to? Or does it matter that you are improving through focus, applied effort, and - yes - maintaining balance within the rest of your life?
The micro-goals can degenerate into check-boxes that the kids want for recognition, an extrinsic reward, rather than the intrinsic reward of feeling stronger (when climbing), or being able to figure out more of your day-to-day problems (by having better math skills). It’s could end up like fishing for a “like” on your social media post rather than posting authentically.
A focus on measurable progression can also be risky when the kids want to get to the next level without really mastering their current level. Just because you can climb 5.9 once doesn’t necessarily mean you are ready to climb 5.10. Just because you figured out how to multiply by ten doesn’t mean you can skip all of the other multiplication tables and move on to long division.
When it comes to something as potentially hazardous as snow travel, there are a lot of nuances that need to be mastered. Snow is unstable, and the limitations of human snow science means avalanches are a real risk. Can we read terrain? Snow is potentially slippery. Can we avoid falls by knowing which tool and technique to use when, and do we know what to do when fall happens? If you are in the snow, it’s also cold out. Do we know how to regulate our temperature, stay hydrated, and ingest adequate calories to keep our health and stamina up in the cold, sometimes hostile environment?
With ice axes, we can also add in the simple issue of just making sure we don’t hurt ourselves with them. So, this progression is going to be a controlled one, building habits through repetition. Moving towards mastery.
And each step in that progression will be tested before making future commitments. For example, the ice axe I started Kade with is one of mine, but a very light one - to better work with my kids’ limited strength: the Camp USA Corsa Alpine. And I wasn’t going to commit to get them their own until I saw plenty of evidence that the boys could handle these responsibly. For that matter, I also started the kids out separately. No distractions for them. No distractions for me - all my attention is on one kid. No temptations to use them as swords or to do something else inappropriate with your brother. These are just examples. There will also be myriad techniques to be exposed to, practice, and build into muscle memory.
Then there is also the psychology of it all, which I alluded to above, and this is a bigger parenting hope.
Long term performance is better when driven by intrinsic motivations because we tend to be more persistent when we are “driven from within.” And what is life if not a series of long-term challenges and adaptations that require persistence?
So, we try to foster the self-determination that allow for intrinsic motivations to flourish:
Autonomy - Our kids need to be choosing these activities, themselves
Sense of competence - By learning appropriate and accurately conveyed techniques, the kids can foster self-belief, which interplays with having a sense of autonomy
Relatedness - They must feel safe and secure both in connection to their parents (or other climbing partners, when they move beyond just us) and feel connection to the environment they are in (which, again, is interrelated with competence).
I guess, ultimately, this is all an object lesson for them and for us. Can we create the environment, relationships, and conditions that allow our kids to thrive in their own development journeys? And can our kids see the intrinsic value of purposeful practice towards mastery through the building of strong habits?
Their development as people won’t hinge on ice axe techniques, for sure. But it’s another tool in our parenting tool box that allows us an opportunity to pass on the right (or wrong - if we aren’t careful) lessons.