Self-Forgiveness as a Key to Continuous Learning in Climbing and in Life
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Things happen to me. If you watched this other video, for example, you know that I got cancer. I don’t think it was anything I did that imposed that little challenge on me. But I think far more frequently, I really influence my circumstances, for better and for worse.
In other words, I feel like its me getting in my own way that crates an outsized proportion of my challenges. There are any number of personal foilbles I can point to that can be the culprit. Most of the eccentricities have both a positive side and a negative side. I’m stubborn. You kind of need that if you want to plan an expedition for years and physically train and haul supplies up from basecamp, and… and… and. But that stubbornness can make it harder for me to adapt and alter my plan when things go sideways. I’m highly accountable. If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do everything in my power to make it so. But that high accountability can mean that short-term self-care can suffer; maybe I don’t sleep enough in order to get “the thing” done.
This video is about another one of those personality traits that, when taken too far, becomes a problem for me. Perfectionism leads to self-flogging for not being perfect that leads to an emotional unreadiness to hear critical (but hopefully constructive) feedback.
In essence, in order to be able to learn, I first need to be able to separate my emotional tie to my own perfectionism. For me, that emotional tie is through my identity of being “competent.” If I can hold both notions in my head at the same time: a) that I am competent, and b) that I still make mistakes, then I don’t get defensive when I’m listening to that constructive criticism.
Is this only me? Or do others struggle with imposing unrealistic expectations on themselves?
Take a look at the video, in which I go deeper into this little internal issue of mine, and maybe let me know if you can relate.